- I am not your daddy.
- DON'T LICK THE POWER OUTLET!
- Shut-up, kid, no one cares what you think.
- And how does the inside of my nose taste?
- Okay, who ate the egg timer?
- Don't lick people; you don't know where they've been.
- Chuck Norris, come back here, your panties are falling off!
|"You like? I rolled in it just for you!"|
- You know - the giant black rubber chew toy? Looks like a dildo . . . ?
- Money is for people who can't have dogs.
- Who needs hand lotion when you can have hot dog scented dog slime?
- FREE: One weasel-shaped little monster who barks at nothing, can't stop muzzle punching his owner for attention, and eats everything he finds below waist height (including, but not limited to: gardening gloves, bird seed, feet, cats, and carpet). Free to bad home. Preferably one that will beat him regularly.
- In my next life, I hope I am as happy as Allister fetching an old sock.
- Pit bulls, man, you just can't trust 'em. Turn your back for one minute and they're EATING THE COAT HOOKS OFF THE WALL!
- How did you get diarrhea on your head?
- Dude, I don't care how much you whine. I am not giving you back your testicles.
- Jai, it doesn't matter how many times you bow to it, the bird feeder is not going to jump down and play with you.
- Why thank you for licking my coffee cup. I'm glad you saw that I needed more boxer spit in my day.
- You know, you were cute before you got fat.
- I wonder if they could fit "lustful cockmonster" on a Fetching Tag.
- I have to get home and train my vicious, dog-raping pit bull now.
|"She means me."|
- *sigh* No one wants to steal weasel dogs.
- We're been working on not rushing/screaming the fence when dogs walk by the yard. Today, I was in the shed refilling the bird feed, and I hear Rubi "ruffSCREAM." I stick my head out and sure enough, everyone is bee-lining for the fence. I shout, "C'MERE, DOGs!" and *sprint* for the porch where I left the dog treat jar. And EVERYONE CAME. And I still have NO FREAKIN' CLUE where the bird feeder ended up. True story.
- Don't chew on that, it cost more than you did.
- Yes? Did my eyeball taste good?
- Why don't you go hump the vacuum cleaner instead? It looks lonely.
- Riley, no! You can't eat the dinosaurs! Stop it!
But it's okay that I'm crazy because I know I'm not the only one. What kind of weird things have your dogs (*cough*never*cough*) made you say?